There is a lot on my mind today. I can't stop thinking about my current situation and all of the possible outcomes. I'm not sure how things are going to work out, if things are going to work out, and if they do... will it be as fantastic as it always seemed like it would?
"You'll forget about me in a week, don't worry about it."
It's been 4 days and so far you couldn't possibly have been more wrong.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
I'm going to save you...
from hearing all of the details, of course.
Life has changed quite a bit for me over the past couple of weeks. I feel like I have spent most of my life falling head over heels. I love too easily, I trust too easily, I care too easily. The gradual buildup of feelings and emotions has never really happened for me, or so I thought. When one thing didn't work out, it was always on to the next new and great thing. I never gave myself any time to let things relax.
Some time ago, now... I had a very revealing moment within myself. My 'ideal' relationship (as they always were) had gone sour. The boy that I had been looking for for years, suddenly gone. The shock lead to devastation, which shortly lead to questioning. What was it about this particular boy that I liked? Why do I feel this way? I had no answer. Thinking to myself, I realized that what I was searching for was something within myself that was burried so deep that I'd never seen it before. The tears stopped flowing immediately.
I spent a lot of time by myself after this event. Some would say that I turned reclusive, became a hermit, never saw the light of day. The truth is, I started enjoying my own presence more than the company of other people, the light of day actually turned brighter for me! It wasn't that I had found this missing piece, just that I knew it was missing. Groundbreaking, really, in my search for my inner self. Once I stopped looking for a mysterious counterpart that somehow had my missing piece, life started making more sense.
I wouldn't go as far as saying that I have found myself, just that I've begun the search. I don't know the path to this territory, I don't have a map, there are no road signs telling me that this is the right way... However, the further I travel into my heart's inner workings, the more I find that the unexplored territory is beautiful, it's not flawed like I had once believed. Gaining familiarity with the little bit of myself that I have discovered has opened me up to a whole different thought process.
As I mentioned before, I spent a lot of time alone. I spent a majority of my time away from what was familiar. I slowly started surrounding myself with people going through similar experiences, this alone has helped me more than I ever thought imaginable.
************************************************
I'm not finished here, just finished for the moment.
Life has changed quite a bit for me over the past couple of weeks. I feel like I have spent most of my life falling head over heels. I love too easily, I trust too easily, I care too easily. The gradual buildup of feelings and emotions has never really happened for me, or so I thought. When one thing didn't work out, it was always on to the next new and great thing. I never gave myself any time to let things relax.
Some time ago, now... I had a very revealing moment within myself. My 'ideal' relationship (as they always were) had gone sour. The boy that I had been looking for for years, suddenly gone. The shock lead to devastation, which shortly lead to questioning. What was it about this particular boy that I liked? Why do I feel this way? I had no answer. Thinking to myself, I realized that what I was searching for was something within myself that was burried so deep that I'd never seen it before. The tears stopped flowing immediately.
I spent a lot of time by myself after this event. Some would say that I turned reclusive, became a hermit, never saw the light of day. The truth is, I started enjoying my own presence more than the company of other people, the light of day actually turned brighter for me! It wasn't that I had found this missing piece, just that I knew it was missing. Groundbreaking, really, in my search for my inner self. Once I stopped looking for a mysterious counterpart that somehow had my missing piece, life started making more sense.
I wouldn't go as far as saying that I have found myself, just that I've begun the search. I don't know the path to this territory, I don't have a map, there are no road signs telling me that this is the right way... However, the further I travel into my heart's inner workings, the more I find that the unexplored territory is beautiful, it's not flawed like I had once believed. Gaining familiarity with the little bit of myself that I have discovered has opened me up to a whole different thought process.
As I mentioned before, I spent a lot of time alone. I spent a majority of my time away from what was familiar. I slowly started surrounding myself with people going through similar experiences, this alone has helped me more than I ever thought imaginable.
************************************************
I'm not finished here, just finished for the moment.
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