I'm going to save you...

from hearing all of the details, of course.

Life has changed quite a bit for me over the past couple of weeks. I feel like I have spent most of my life falling head over heels. I love too easily, I trust too easily, I care too easily. The gradual buildup of feelings and emotions has never really happened for me, or so I thought. When one thing didn't work out, it was always on to the next new and great thing. I never gave myself any time to let things relax.

Some time ago, now... I had a very revealing moment within myself. My 'ideal' relationship (as they always were) had gone sour. The boy that I had been looking for for years, suddenly gone. The shock lead to devastation, which shortly lead to questioning. What was it about this particular boy that I liked? Why do I feel this way? I had no answer. Thinking to myself, I realized that what I was searching for was something within myself that was burried so deep that I'd never seen it before. The tears stopped flowing immediately.

I spent a lot of time by myself after this event. Some would say that I turned reclusive, became a hermit, never saw the light of day. The truth is, I started enjoying my own presence more than the company of other people, the light of day actually turned brighter for me! It wasn't that I had found this missing piece, just that I knew it was missing. Groundbreaking, really, in my search for my inner self. Once I stopped looking for a mysterious counterpart that somehow had my missing piece, life started making more sense.

I wouldn't go as far as saying that I have found myself, just that I've begun the search. I don't know the path to this territory, I don't have a map, there are no road signs telling me that this is the right way... However, the further I travel into my heart's inner workings, the more I find that the unexplored territory is beautiful, it's not flawed like I had once believed. Gaining familiarity with the little bit of myself that I have discovered has opened me up to a whole different thought process.

As I mentioned before, I spent a lot of time alone. I spent a majority of my time away from what was familiar. I slowly started surrounding myself with people going through similar experiences, this alone has helped me more than I ever thought imaginable.


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I'm not finished here, just finished for the moment.