I... am a birthday cake.

I had a very revealing look into the past and present feelings of someone that was once very close to me tonight... He's stopped using the drugs, he's become much like he was before. I told him everything. He told me everything. We shared things that we never dared to whisper before. It was liberating to be able to get out all of those old feelings, to forgive, to forget, to grow, to challenge his actions... to challenge my own. There are still feelings there, why I don't know... it's one of the biggest mysteries in my life as of yet. He apologized for everything and told me that he was going through a bad time. He wished that he would have stayed and seen things through. The confusing part to me is how we can still maintain such a strong bond after such a disaster occurred between us.

He's the one that broke my heart the worst, although it was rough for me to admit. Hell, it still is. Though there was a huge battle and a lot of responsibility to be taken on, I know that I would have done that for him... and I still feel like I would.

It's so strange, when you feel like you've gotten everything all figured out. You pinpoint almost every one of your actions and the reasoning behind all of it and then something like this shoots up out of the middle of nowhere and every last bit of it is debunked by one strong attachment.

Is it that I'm still in love with him, or do I just feel like I have to prove myself worthy? I'm still not sure.

And these words still ring through my head to this day...

"I... am a birthday cake
that you light up,
blow out,
devour
and forget about."

My mind is racing.